"If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it, even if I did not have the ability in the beginning."
- Mahatma Gandhi
For those who have worked with a coach and for those of you who are realising that you would like to start to one with one like me, you will be aware that as your coach, my role is to elicit from you those things that you want to be doing or being that enable you to be your authentic self.
It is the role of a trainer or consultant to tell you what they think you should be doing. And whilst you may recruit your coach to provide an element of training some of the key responsibilities of your coach is to
• Discover, clarify, and align with what, you, the client wants to achieve
• Support you in defining and reaching your goals, to be living the life you want to live.
• Encourage you in your own self-discovery
• Challenge you with powerful questions.
• Elicit client-generated solutions and strategies
• Request that you take action.
• Hold you, the client, responsible and accountable for the actions you commit to.
In my experience clients find the coaching experience extremely liberating, discovering ideas and plans that they find exciting, fulfilling purposeful and important. My clients always come up with more appropriate ideas for them than I could suggest.
What is often curious is that my clients will very often come up with an idea or plan, that really fills them with excitement and purpose, and quick as a flash a voice in their head will utter “You can’t do that!”
I become really curious, because two things I hold to be true whenever I am coaching are that
• The voice in our head is always seeking to serve us in some way. It could be that it wants to protect you from failure, embarrassment, to keep you safe or many other positive goals.
• The client has everything they need already to achieve what they want, or they know how to find out how to do it.
I am always curious as to what the client means by can’t.
Can’ts can occur on different levels and it is really useful to be able to recognise on what level they exist.
Environment Are you in the wrong physical place to be able to? If so what environment would enable you to be successful?
For example if you wanted to specialise in paedodontics and your practice was in an area with a population that was 60+ would you be better relocating to an area where there is a high proportion of young families?
Behaviour Are your actions preventing you from being successful? If so what changes in behaviour would ensure that you could achieve your goal?
For example if you would like to lose 7 pounds you would probably more likely to achieve it by getting up an hour earlier and doing some exercise rather than staying in bed.
When I gave up smoking I changed the route that I cycled to college, I parked my bike in a different place consequently I was not tempted to go for a drink at the end of the day and weaken my resolve.
Beliefs Are you currently choosing to belief that it is not possible for you?
Henry ford is quoted as saying “whether you think you can or you can’t you are probably right”
Before Bannister completed the 4 minute mile, it was a commonly held belief that it was not physically possible for a man to run a mile I less than 4 minutes. Some ‘experts’ believed that if it was attempted that the body would burst. Roger Bannister believed it was possible and on May 6th 1954 ran a mile in 3 minutes 59.4 seconds. Having proved that it was possible it was only 56 days before the second person achieved ‘the impossible’ and now 1000’s have runners have achieved it.
Believing the possible is the first step to making it possible.
Values Do you have values that conflict with what you are wanting to achieve and stopping you from being successful?
For example you may have had the idea of making your practice a ‘membership only’ practice, and become frustrated by your receptionists’ inability to sign patients onto your plan. If (s)he has deeply held values about the NHS, any conversations they have with patients will be incongruent and you will not achieve what it is you want – a membership only practice. This can be resolved in many ways, some of which include, moving your receptionist away from sign up conversations, exploring with your receptionist what it is about NHS care that is so important to them and showing them how you are honouring their values by using the plan.
Identity Who are you when you are not able to and who will you be when you have now achieved what you want to?
Peer pressure is remarkably powerful, and in part it is about how we see ourselves, and how we see ourselves determines what we are able and not able to do.
I long for a slim fit body, a friend of mine was an anorexic and she amazed me at her ability to lose weight, even when she way tiny. She would tell me that whenever she looked in the mirror the person that looked back at her was enormous and she didn’t like it.
I come across many clients who want to be successful, wealthy, confident at public speaking and have been failing to achieve it. As we explore this during the coaching sessions they often find that they don’t see themselves as successful, wealthy or confident. Until you are able to see, hear and feel yourself as being the way you want to be, you won’t become want you want.
A congruent sense of identity is vital in changing a can’t into a can.
So when that voice in your head says “you can’t”, say “thank you” and ask it “what precisely do you mean by I can’t” and you will have taken your first step to can.
If you are frustrated that you have not been successful at achieving something that you want to, contact me now jane@healthyandwealthy.co.uk
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