Take a few moments and think about how you get on with your friends, family and work colleagues, how well do you feel appreciated by them, and do they know how much you appreciate them.
Do you a have a few that make you feel really appreciated and some others that no matter what you do they do not appreciate all you say or do?
It could be that you are using differently languages of appreciation and that your words and gestures are just not being heard.
Research has shown us that there are 5 languages of appreciation
- Words of appreciation
- Quality time
- Gifts
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
Words of appreciation For some people actions do not speak loud enough and words really are enough. If you respond to words, kind words and being told how much you are appreciated will mean to world to you and conversely verbal insults will be acutely painful.
Quality time For others we feel appreciated when someone makes the time for us, to sit and share a cup of tea or coffee and give us our undivided attention, to turn off the TV or radio when we want to talk, and to stop doing what they were previously occupied with. If someone giving you their undivided attention is how you feel most appreciated, you will probably feel taken for granted if when you are talking the other person is doing something, or appointments are cancelled.
Gifts Other people in your team will feel most appreciated when they have received a gift, card or other token of appreciation. The thought and time behind making or buying the gift signifies how much they are appreciated. Conversely if you forget to send a birthday card or present, this will be incredibly hurtful.
Acts of service For others they will feel truly appreciated and valued when someone else offers to do something to help them, the washing up, cleaning the car, making a cup of tea. If someone feels appreciated or loved when they receive acts of service they will feel unappreciated and under-valued when they feel that they need help and none is offered, or if people make more work for them.
Physical touch Physical touch is not encouraged in the workplace and yet there are some people that feel really appreciated, when they are touched a gentle hand on the shoulder, a hand shake and if appropriate a hug and a kiss. Withdrawal of contact and proximity of people will cause this type of person to feel very isolated.
As you think of your friends, family and work colleagues I know that you will want to let them know that they are appreciated or have done a good. So how do you find out how they will feel most appreciated, because if you tell someone you appreciate them and what they will respond to better is a gift or a physical touch your good intentions may fall on stony ground.
The simplest ways to find out someone else’s preferred language of appreciation are to;
- Ask them
- Notice how they give appreciation as they will generally give appreciation in the way that they wish to receive it.
And remember to let other people know how they can best make you feel appreciated.
If you would like to learn more information about how coaching can help you personally and get the best from your team call Jane on 01296 770 462 or 07989 757 884 or email Jane@healthyandwealthy.co.uk
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