Are you playing Chinese wispers?

Did you play Chinese whispers as a child? 

Are you still playing it as an adult?

When played as a party game, what happened to the  message as it went around the circle? That is correct the message,was corrupted so by the end, it did not resemble the initial message.

Linguistically the phrase was subject to deletions distortions and generalisations and as a result its form was substantially changed to something that became unrecognisable from the original message.

Today I would like to focus on deletions. A linguistic deletion is when a piece of information is omitted, for example “Would you like to come to the party?” This may seem like a lovely request, and it does make sense; yet vital pieces of information have been deleted so that you are unable to answer. As a minimum, the information that is missing is probably, where and when. Some people may also need to know, reason, dress code, who else is going, what do I need to bring, when do I have to RSVP? etc.

Deletions happen frequently in conversations, in an effort to be concise, unfortunately,  omissions can lead to misunderstandings and frustrations. For example, person A makes a statement or request of person B deleting / omitting, unconsciously, information assuming person B knows what has been left out and can fill in the blanks correctly. More often than not, experience shows that the blanks are not usually filled in by person B as person A had intended.

Person A and B had several conversations the previous week including comparing notes on hairdressers and needing to have eyes tested and replacement glasses and the new opticians in the adjacent town.

Person A very rushed and busy on a Monday morning makes a request of person B “Following that conversation we had last week, can you make the appointment for me.”

Person B “Yes of course, I will let you know when I have done it.”

What was deleted is in { }

Person A          “Can you make the appointment for me.  {I would like to try your hairdressers as your hair is always so beautifully cut. I am available this week on Wednesday afternoon and evening or Friday Morning.}

Person B 2 hours later

“Just to let you know, I have made that appointment for you.”

“Just to let you know, I have made that appointment for you. {with the optician on Tuesday at 15:00, I have booked the appointment with Judy at Perfect Sight in town X the post code is XXXX XXXX and there is a 50% discount for initial appointments.”

15:15 on Tuesday a telephone call comes through, “Hi, it is Perfect sight here we were expecting you for an appointment at 15:00, I wanted to make sure everything was ok, and you were on your way.”

I am sure you can appreciate the confusion and conflict that potentially ensues as a result of information deleted, because each person is recalling a different conversation.

Linguistic deletions whilst common in conversation occur prevalently in email, twitter, text and facebook. Etc. On these media brevity is key and vital essential content is lost and understanding is a casualty.

“A picture paints a thousand words” have you noticed that a conversation is far richer in detail, than a text or FB post. I often think that text, twitter or FB is like a black and white still photograph compared to a conversation, which has the richness and complexity of a 3d moving image. A conversation in addition to more words also has, tonality, emotions which are deleted from a text, and a face to face conversation also has the body language.

Studies have shown that communication is 55% body language,38% tonality and only 7% words. When you are using the abridged format of modern digital communication tools how much is lost in understanding?

from the work of Albert Mehrabian

“A Problem can only be present in the absence of a truth-ful conversation.”

I encourage you to be mindful of your conversations, pay attention to where, when and with who you make deletions. Pay attention to your texts and FB messages where are they too scant for accurate understanding? Rather than rely on letting your fingers do the talking, pick up the phone, or meet up for a conversation, you will have a much greater opportunity for clarifying information, preventing confusion and save time in the long run. E mail can be used subsequently to confirm the content of the conversation if a data trail is required.

If you FB, text or e mail asking for help and advice, please expect me to ask you to call as I want to understand your situaltion, your challenges and your dreams and goals fully before I make any suggestions as to solutions that are available.

I want you to understand how much we care, before I show you how much we can help.

I look forward to hearing from you. 07989 757 884