Social needs – The key to unpicking motivation

Social needs – The key to unpicking motivation

 

When you understand your social needs or social needs of a team member or patient, you have the key to so much more.

 

Social needs determine what we need from other people, predict our greatest fears, and drive our unconscious behaviours.

 

You may be thinking, how do I discover this  valuable information, the exciting news is that everyone, including you, is broadcasting their social needs all the time. It is just that you haven’t been taught how to read the messages.

 

Social needs can be divided into primary needs and secondary needs. One is not better than the other, they all have light sides and shadow sides. Your needs make you, and everyone else unique, no better or worse than others, just individual. Your social needs form one element of your individual communication dialect,  and when someone else recognises and can speak it too, leads to deep lasting communication and understanding.

 

Just imagine what is possible when you learn to recognise and communicate with your team members and patients in this way.

 

Primary social needs tell you the question that is at the forefront of someone’s mind all the time, they will reveal their secret fears. So, what are they? 

 

·      Significance

·      Approval

·      Acceptance

Let’s look at them in turn.

 

Significance

 

If someone has significance as a primary social need, they need to feel significant all the time and have their significance confirmed by others.

 

Their primary question is “Do others see me as significant, important and making and impact?”

 

How are they recognisable?

 

Significance people stand out, bright  clothes, obvious wealth indicators such as watches, cars, technology etc. They  are often loud, talking about their achievements and  are comfortable standing out. People with this social need want to run meetings and to be in-charge. They are generally easy to spot.

 

Shadow side

 

 

The shadow side of  significance need people is that they can be overbearing, controlling and not give others a chance to participate or contribute. Tendency to to be a high demanding dictatorial style leader and at worst a bully. Can be very heavily target driven.

 

How do you communicate?

When speaking with people with a high social need, it is best to talk about how they will stand out and get recognition for their contribution.

 

Approval 

 

If someone has approval as a primary social need they constantly are seeking and need permission and recognition. 

 

Their primary question is “Do others recognise me and give me permission to be or do . . . . ?”

 

How are they recognisable?

 

Approval  needs people are generally self-deprecating, appear to be seeking compliments. They can often change their opinions to fit with the company they are keeping. Approval people are candidates for imposter syndrome and can overcompensate, being more smartly dressed, have more qualifications etc than others. Tend to be  agreeable conflict averse, accepting of poor service standards, will drink and eat food they don’t like to avoid causing offence. Approval people will often carry tissues, pain relief, etc in case someone else needs them.

 

Shadow side

 

The shadow side of  approval need people is that they can be needy, constantly seeking approval that they are enough, they have made the right decisions and their work is good enough. Approval need people can also be indecisive, or  inconsistent changing their minds depending on the company they keep, so it can be difficult to know where you stand with someone who frequently changes their mind. Progress can be slow, as constantly seeking approval.

 

 

How do you communicate?

When speaking with people with a high social need for approval it is best to fill their need by giving compliments, approval, and reassurance so they feel secure, they will love you for it.

 

 

Acceptance

 

If someone has as a primary social need for acceptance they want to feel in with the in crowd, part of a group or a tribe. 

 

Their primary question is “Do I belong?”

 

How are they recognisable?

 

Acceptance needs people will wear branded clothes, badges, ties that show their allegiance or membership of an organisation. In conversations,  they will tell you about the groups they belong to and the group activities they are involved in. Acceptance need people are likely to be part of a group of volunteers or members of protest groups. Acceptance need people, have strong sense of community and acknowledge others who appear similar with eyebrow raises, special handshakes or flashing headlights to drivers of the same car as them.

 

Shadow side

 

The shadow side of  acceptance need people is that they can be get involved with the wrong crowd, get mixed up with things that they should have stayed away from. People with a high need for acceptance can also appear inconsistent as they may feign conformity to fit in. In a leadership position can keep changing direction to fit in with others.

 

How do you communicate?

When speaking with people with a high social need for acceptance it is important to tell and show them how they fit in, they want to hear that they are similar and belong.

 

 

As you consider these three primary social needs, significance, approval, and acceptance, which one do you recognise as dominant in you? How is this serving you well, how, and when does it sabotage you?

 

What about your team, what is the mix you have and how do you need to speak to them differently to bring the best out of them?

 

Finally, your patients, how does recognising their primary social need alter the way you escort them on their patient journey and discuss treatment with them?

in another article we will explore secondary social needs.

 

If you would like to learn more about this fascinating subject and learn more about  effective communication book a SPEAK WITH JANE call www.IODB.co.uk and we can discuss the training workshops, 1-2-1 coaching and in-house programmes we offer.