How to be RESILIENT

RESILIENT

adjective

1.     springing back; rebounding.

2.     returning to the original form or position after being bent, compressed, or stretched.

3.     recovering readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyant.

“Persistence and resilience only come from having been given the chance to work through difficult problems.”

Gever Tulley

“It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop.”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

Nelson Mandela

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

Maya Angelou

“My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.”

Steve Goodier

The life of a dentist is tough, and it is getting tougher every year. The profession seems to be in a bleak place at its worst there are reports of dentists committing suicide, using drink and drugs to get by, and leaving the profession. Fortunately, the vast majority are not making these choices and yet are desperately unhappy, demoralised, despondent and don’t know what to do. I am saddened by every story I hear, and I am deeply troubled by the young dentists who feel disenfranchised and let down by the profession and would leave if it were not for debt and family pressure to stay.

What dentists need now more than ever is to become RESILIENT, that is not to be broken by the day to day challenges and to develop the ability to bounce back.

I would like to share with you some of the habits that I recognise enable people to be RESILIENT and therefore successful. "Everything will be alright in the end and if it not alright that is because it is not the end"

How to be RESILIENT

Recognise you have a problem or a challenge

Exercise

Start to find solutions

Identify your strengths

Log your progress

Invalidate negative influences

Engage a coach /mentor

Nourish yourself physically and mentally

Thankfulness

R – Recognise you have a problem or a challenge. 

I heard a wonderful story of a gentleman that was desperate to get to the hospital to visit a dying relative, he knew he was running out of fuel and yet refused to stop at each petrol station he drove past because he knew he didn’t want to waste the time it would take to fill up. You know the end of the story, because he was to frantic to stop, he did not get to say goodbye to his relative because he ran out of petrol.

In your car, the petrol gauge and the other instruments are designed to give you a performance report and enable you to correct errors early.

It is common for us to ignore our own instruments and suffer as a consequence.

Pay attention to how you feel and learn to recognise problems early. Notice when your mood changes and intuition is saying “No”, if you are not feeling happy, not sleeping or sleeping too much, that you are using food, drugs, alcohol, financial irresponsibility to change how you feel, you become easily angered or closed down, you are sick or in pain.

Your challenge, problem may be stress, financial difficulties, relationship breakdown, lack of confidence, fear, feeling bullied, business difficulties, patient complaints, being sued, addictions, depression or mental health issues etc. Whatever your situation however large or small it is the first step is to recognise and acknowledge it. If you continue to deny it, it will never get better and as soon as you recognise it you can resolve it. Learn to deal with the underlying problem at the root cause rather than using short-term sicking plaster approaches.

E – Exercise.

This may seem a little left field and whenever you are feeling down, out of control, or like your world is collapsing like a pack of cards around you, that is the time to do some exercise. Ideally do a repetitive type exercise such as walking, cycling, running, outside where you have fresh air and are in touch with the natural environment. Another, excellent form of exercise is yoga which also has a focus on breathing control and meditation.

This model, developed in a field of psychology and coaching called Neuro-lingustic programming (NLP) teaches us that if we are in an resourceful state of mind we can change it very quickly by changing our and our thought patterns, that is how you are thinking about a situation.  You may already be changing your physiology by using, drink, drugs, food, I am suggesting that you can change your physiology more quickly and supportively by moving your body and exercising, even if it is for just 20 seconds of star jumps. Try it out and see what happens.

S - Start to find solutions

Doing nothing will not solve anything, and your current situation will not fix itself. Please be reassured that whatever you are going through, someone else has already been there before you and come out the other side and because of that there is a solution to your problems. Unfortunately, for many of us when we are in a dark place we become paralysed and unable to see to take steps to make progress.  “Any problem can be solved when it is broken into small enough chunks”. Read books, find a coach, and start to find effective strategies ways that you can put your challenges behind you. Start with small steps and make constant progress.

I - Identify your strengths

I work with many professions including dentists, and one of the patterns I recognise in dentists is that they are far more self-critical and very reluctant to identify their strengths or even celebrate successes. Remember where you have previously been resilient and bounced back already, what did you do that enabled you to do this, and how do you replicate it? Take some time, with a coach will make it easier, and identify your strengths, beliefs values and unique abilities and use these assets to enable you to work through your current situation.

L – Log your progress

Retired Navy SEAL, Bill McRaven, said at a graduation speech that if you want to be successful you must make your bed every morning, for him it is important that he, and his recruits start each day having achieved success already.

You will over estimate what you can achieve in a day and underestimate what you can achieve in a year. If you keep a journal or log book it will help you track your progress and see how far you have come in a short period of time. I  and my clients have found answering these questions every day an invaluable tool.

·      What are the three things that you are most proud of achieving today?

·      Why is achieving these things important?

·      What will you do tomorrow to build upon todays’ success?

·      What are you thankful for?

I challenge you, write the answer these four questions every day for the next four weeks and notice the amazing progress you make.  Message me and share your results.

I – Invalidate negative influences

In your life you have energy vampires, people or things that suck your life force and leave you feeling like an empty shell when the leave. Energy-vampires, could be friends, family, patients or team members, you know the ones, those that always contradict, are critical, for whom you are never good enough and you feel that you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. they could also be things that you watch on the TV or the internet, music, games. Whatever they are they must be eliminated from your life. From now on you must only spend time with people who lift your energy, encourage you and see your potential, your talents and love you just because you are you.

E – Engage a coach/mentor

If you are having challenges as a dentist, your first thought may be to sign up to one or more clinical training programmes. Being a skilled clinician is essential and you must develop those skills, and yet clinical skills are only one part of your professional and personal development and until you learn about yourself and how you work, you think, and what enables you to be the best version of yourself, your clinical training will always remain on a unstable foundation. One of the biggest predictors of you doing well through and after an adversity is having support, resilient people seek support. If you are not in a great place, if you are brave enough to confide in someone you have probably done so in a friend, family member, colleague or spouse, and I honour you for taking the first step. However, experience has shown that turning to those who are close to you is usually counter-productive. For those who have done it they have very rapidly become over-drawn on the emotional bank account and those valuable relationships suffer often irreparably. Engaging a coach/mentor you will be working with someone who has received training in working with people in situations like yours and unlike friends and family there is no emotional charge to the conversation, your coach/mentor is completely neutral. Because of this, your coach will help you work through things in a way a friend or family member without specialist training would not be able to do.  

For peace of mind find a coach who is qualified (seems obvious and many aren’t) and accredited with the International Coach Federation at a Professional Certified Coach status. Coaches who are Master Practitioners in NLP have a training and skill set that will enable you get past your mind-set blockages and into success very quickly.

When you work with an NLP coach you are in good company, people have worked with a NLP coach include, Jimmy Carr, (Incidentally I coached his brother) Pharelle Williams, Russell Brand, Ophra Winfey, Cheryl Fernandes-Versini (Cole), Heston Blumental, Warren Buffet, Lily Allen, Geri Halliwell, Sophi Dahl, Leonard Di Caprio, Bill Clinton, Serena Williams, Andre Agassi, Sir Clive Woodward and Hugh Jackman and many more besides.

N – Nourish yourself physically and mentally

How far would your car go on chip fat or an empty tank?

That’s correct not very far. And yet we expect our mind and bodies to function optimally in stressful situations when they are inadequately fuelled. Think carefully about how you look after your mind and body and only feed it what it the best.

First cut out the CRAP, Caffeine, Refined sugars and carbohydrate, Alcohol and Processed food. Yes, you will feel like a junky going cold turkey day 4 will probably be the worst and after a week you will feel amazing.

Make your food CLEAN, Colourful, Live, Easy, Alkalising, Nutrient dense. Stay really well hydrated, spend time outside in nature, exercise, breathe clean air, develop good sleep hygiene and sleeping patterns, spend time with people you love doing things that you love.

Find your favourite way to take a mental break, spend time doing those things that lift your energy and spirits. These activities fall into two categories,

1) Fun activities that re-energise you as soon as you think about them or do them

2) Activities that raise your energy after the event, these often include cleaning, tidying and sorting.

T – Thankfulness

“Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it”

Ralph Marston

It may be hard to see it now, and that what you are going through will make you stronger, and for the time-being be compassionate on yourself.

I trust that this article has been useful, it is only the tip of the iceberg, and if it raises any questions for yourself or your colleagues, and you want to know more do please call 07989757 884 or e mail Jane@IODB.co.uk for more information and support.