words matter

When someone says

“I’m doing ok it can sometimes be slightly daunting, but I think I’m keeping it together.”

You (and they) may think they are in a good place mentally and not needing any support.

However, I believe, it is a statement that indicate that the person concerned needs support, and does not know how to ask for it or accept it if offered.

As a therapeutic coach, I recognise the words we use are not accidental. The phraseology above indicates that the speaker (or writer) would really value from (needs) a listening ear, professional support, and strategies that are more supportive than the ones they are currently using.

The words you speak or write matter. Your unconscious will select words that accurately convey what is underlying your mental state and blow your cover. Your conscious mind may think that you are covering up well, protecting your vulnerabilities and pride, keep up appearances and deflect the need for support.

An experienced therapeutic coach, therapist, or skilled listener will pay attention to the words and immediately notice the flashing warning lights recognising all is not well. What seems held together on the surface is masking denial and an unacknowledged acceptance that all is not well.

To me the person who wrote this, is not doing well; and here is why.

The use of “OK” does not describe the best version of themselves and indicates they are hanging on by their fingertips, just holding it together.

“Sometimes slightly daunting”, indicates moments of overwhelm, without an approach that makes it manageable.

“I think I am keeping it together”, is a statement of uncertainty, and the writer does not really know how they are doing, and thinks they probably could be in a better state of mind

Listen closely, pay attention to what you and other are saying. Just because others are stressed and struggling at this time, does not give you permission to struggle necessarily. Help is at hand from many sources to support you with fears concerns and worries whether they be tiny, small or big.

Your mind matters.

I have been offering free 1-2-1 therapeutic and business coaching calls throughout lock down and if you would like to speak to a qualified coach for solutions not signposts, please call me on 07989 757 884 or e mail Jane@IODB.co.uk to schedule your complimentary session.